The Pool Sign Store

There must be one.....a pool sign store. Every sign I've ever viewed at a pool is different. Apparently the international sign code Nazis have not come to agreement yet on a standard sign.
Surprisingly, Longboat Key doesn't even have a Pool Sign Code, leaving it up to individual homeowners associations to determine what they want on "their" sign. Ergo, there has to be a Pool Sign Store, where trustees can go shop for things they find important to ban. Let's take a walk through ours today:

1. Shower before entering. OK, this makes sense, and our pool committee has even provided a shower with HOT water outside the men's room side of the pavilion. By the way, no hot water on the ladies room side, only the men's. Guess that's because we men are ALWAYS getting into hot water with the ladies.

2. No glass or animals in the fenced pool area (or 50 feet from unfenced pool). Well, clearly we don't want glass at the pool, but considering no code I've ever seen would allow an unfenced pool, isn't this a bit redundant. Right outside the pool is our "lake" and it's totally unfenced. Guess there's not a code (YET) for lakes, or their other name "storm water retention pond".Rule number 2 is not Ripley's favorite, as he got used to visiting this area during construction - before that darn sign went up.

3. No food or beverage in pool or on pool wet deck. OK, guess we can't even put a beer in a plastic Tervis Tumbler and drink standing waist deep by the side of the pool. And, aren't all pool decks wet? I guess if you want to eat, do it on a dry day.

4. Maximum water temperature is 104 Fahrenheit - oh goody, parboiled grandkids. This, I'm sure, also applies to the shower.

5. Do not use the pool if you are ill with diarrhea. Apparently you ARE allowed to pee in the pool, however. Any pool with grandkids will have the occasional source of 98 degree water, to be sure. Isn't the old rule "if it's not proscribed, it's allowed?

6. Do not swallow the water. It is recirculated. Attention swimmers: See Article 5 above and swim at own risk.

7. Bathing load _____persons. Here's one of those fill in the blank questions. Apparently the correct answer is 26. I suspect its a math question dealing with mass and volume. Will let you know if our 56 homes filled with skinny old folk ever exceed that number.

8. Pool hours _____AM to ______ PM. Here our Pool Committee apparently didn't want to deal with Daylight Savings Time issues in Florida where the sunrise and sunset are subject to seasons. Since the terms "civil and/or nautical twilight" would certainly not fit in that space, dawn and dusk have been inserted. Personally, I find nautical twilight the best part of the day, when the sun is twelve degrees below the horizon, but there's enough light to walk the dog, or swim alone at the pool. Civil twilight is six degrees below the horizon. You can generally see most things under nautical, and certainly civil twilight, however finding dog poop under astronomical twilight conditions (18 degrees below the horizon) is impossible, unless you've trained to dog to "go" under a streetlight. Another word for astronomical twilight is "dark". I prefer disambiguation personally. But you can also use the collateral adjective, crepuscular - especially if you're one of those party animals most active at night.

Suffice to say, the pool is not officially open in any period of disambiguation, but that never stopped me....I'm crepuscular.